If you are able to read this, then this is the first entry that i published this year.

031814

for several nights now i had bad dreams. i woke up felling terrible. and now i know why, i took my exam last night and id n ot do well, my thesis proposal is due next week and i havent started yet. my compre exam is itwo weeks from now. LOrd it is only you who can do miracles. I am asking for your guidance, give me wisdom to do what i need tod do . thank you

March 2, 2014

It's been a while since the last entry i wrote. there are many things that happened. 

now i am to emobark a new journey, challenge in my life as a grad student.

 Today, i will officilly start writing my graduate thesis. I know I am already late ,at this time supposedly i should just be reviewing, but then i wasted precious time deciding what topic to pursue.

I have already collected a lot of literatures and related studies. what i need to do is to compile them and start to make a story as how my previous mentor taught me. 

may the Lord guide me and keep me away from temptations.

please pray for  me

there are just times that all you want to do is to cry. times when you really feel down, times when you really miss some people who are dear to you. times when you feel you are alone, times when you really to miss the old place.

learning

I will try to write about the things I learned, learned again and want to learn for the last twenty four hours.
today august 26, 2013, I want to learn how to express myself and my thoughts.

july 20 2013
2:38 am

i'm back!
i just want to share a part of me, though I am not yet ready to expose my true identity-not that brave enough. I 've been living to live out the expectations of the people around me. this turned me into a depressive, unhappy and confused individual. I don't trust anyone as a result there's no one i can turn to when i needed someone to hear the truth in my story. whenever I am in that state I crave for something to eat and I ate ffood that appeals to me, spent all my money. there are times that i am want to please everyone arounds me so that they will like me, they will not turn their back on me. but then it never happened. people still leave me alone.

most of the times, people appreciates me but I am not glad instead i am feel ashamed because I know in myself that it's not the real me. the Ideas are not really mine, I got it from someone or somewhere else. sometimes i transpose them sometimes i just relay them.


I am jealous with people who have someone who can expressly show and vocally say that they are loved and cared by someone. I don't have one. It might be because I am not that kind of person too.

there are things that i need to be and i want to be but i never was. I am not disciplined. I dont know how to manage my time. i dont know how to prioritize things. I don't have the needed confidence. I don't know how to read with comprehension. I wasn't able to live out the words i tell to myself to do. I suck  and  I hate this reality

SAD

I AM SUPER DRAINED. ALL I WANT TO DO IS TO SLEEP. BUT I AM A STUDENT AND I SHOULD ACT AS ONE.