july 20 2013
2:38 am

i'm back!
i just want to share a part of me, though I am not yet ready to expose my true identity-not that brave enough. I 've been living to live out the expectations of the people around me. this turned me into a depressive, unhappy and confused individual. I don't trust anyone as a result there's no one i can turn to when i needed someone to hear the truth in my story. whenever I am in that state I crave for something to eat and I ate ffood that appeals to me, spent all my money. there are times that i am want to please everyone arounds me so that they will like me, they will not turn their back on me. but then it never happened. people still leave me alone.

most of the times, people appreciates me but I am not glad instead i am feel ashamed because I know in myself that it's not the real me. the Ideas are not really mine, I got it from someone or somewhere else. sometimes i transpose them sometimes i just relay them.


I am jealous with people who have someone who can expressly show and vocally say that they are loved and cared by someone. I don't have one. It might be because I am not that kind of person too.

there are things that i need to be and i want to be but i never was. I am not disciplined. I dont know how to manage my time. i dont know how to prioritize things. I don't have the needed confidence. I don't know how to read with comprehension. I wasn't able to live out the words i tell to myself to do. I suck  and  I hate this reality